10 steps to self help

As Ive mentioned previously I suffered with anxiety and depression in the past and I am definitely not a doctor or medical professional of any kind but I’d love to be able to share some of the things that I do on a daily basis to help myself stay afloat. Wether it be a constant battle or New Year blues it can be so difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel so here is my advice.

1. Turn off your phone! Even if you feel you have to let a few people know that you won’t be contactable for a few hours. It’s really good for the mind to be able to shut out everything off of social media once in a while and just process your own thoughts.

2. Have a bath.. sounds pretty simple but god it works wonders, the warm water on your skin can really do more than physical cleansing. Wash away some of those troubles.. light some candles too!

3. Journal! This one is my absolute go to at all times, it may not work for everybody but I find that writing a short summary of your days thoughts and feelings really helps you put things into perspective and writing it down also helps to free it from your mind

4. Talk on the phone to someone you love and trust.. also someone who helps you giggle. Laughter is the best medicine or so they say and it is also good to talk about how you are feeling and even if you don’t want to talk, listening to somebody else’s voice can help take your mind off of whatever is bothering you at the time.

5. Go for a walk! I know that it’s winter and probably freezing outside and a walk doesn’t sound like the most appealing thing but fresh air in those lungs is really good for you. A little bit of exercise can boost the serotonin levels and help you to feel a lot better. So grab some headphones and pound those pavements!

6. Listen to music. Preferably something upbeat and feel good, music has an amazing way of changing the way that you feel even if only temporarily it’s a good place to start

7. Write down your manifestations. Visualising your goals and dreams can really help you to focus on what you want and create steps to make these things achievable, whatever your goals may be.

8. Do one good deed each day. It’s surprising the effects doing good for others can have on ones soul.

9. Get rid of the clutter! I can be a bit of a hoarder but as my mum would say “messy house messy mind” and she’s right, stop holding on to things that no longer serve you. Haven’t used it in 6 months? Throw it away

10. Sounds the most cliche but THINK POSITIVE honestly it actually does help and I know it can be very difficult to do that sometimes and that’s okay but if you can turn one negative thought into a positive one then you’re already doing it. If you see the glass as half full.. then fill it up baby!

I hope that some of these tips can help you to find ways to cope and smile today and remember these are just some of the things I do and just my opinions. I’d love to learn some of yours x

Chapter One – The beginning

It’s a bit absurd how I still love him, even after how many terrible things he’s done to me. Funny how love can still burn bright and strong in your heart through all of the darkness and pain it can still be there. He doesn’t really deserve my love if I’m completely honest and I’m not sure he ever has but it doesn’t change it does it? Doesn’t make it stop. He’s living his life now probably doesn’t even give me a second thought. I wonder if somewhere deep down in his heart my name still gives him some sort of feeling? We were meant to grow old together.. at least that was the plan all those years ago. Way before all the trivial stuff got in the way and all the arguments and dishonesty ruined any chance we had at “the long run” I think part of me still holds onto that. I think I still wish we had a someday.

I’ve seen what real love is, I’ve witnessed what magic it can be when two people share this infinite connection that draws them together despite the odds. Despite the billions of other human beings in the world I’ve seen what can happen when you choose each other. I have friends who have exactly that.. marriage to them isn’t a scary prison sentence and having children doesn’t have to be something that you do later on in life. When they find each other when they find their other whole. They can just be. And that’s what I want. Dammit that’s what I want more than anything in this cruel unstable world. Love…

Why don’t you just give him a call?

I stare at my phone for what feels like a good thirty minutes after she says that, being realistic it was probably thirty seconds. I couldn’t call him.. could I? No I couldn’t. She was crazy you can’t just call up your ex on a rainy November afternoon whilst sipping a latte and say what? Say “oh hey we haven’t spoken in months but I was just wonderinggggg…

I can’t believe I’m even considering this.

Hello.. it’s me, yes really… erm I had some things I wanted to talk to you about. Yes.. yeah everything is alright I’m fine I just.. I think we should meet up to talk… yeah 7 is fine….”

Pregnancy is NOT cute (the truth)

The first thing you hear from somebody when you announce that you’re pregnant is “aww congratulations” which is a lovely thing to say and yes while a new little human life is definitely something to celebrate, I think that many are under the impression that the next 9 months of your life are going to be pleasant. Well think again!

Some women have easy breezy pregnancies and easy breezy births but that can not be said for all of us. Personally my experience with being pregnant wasn’t all cute maternity wear and I certainly didn’t get the “pregnancy glow” I was promised. Instead I had 9 months of constant sickness and overactive tear ducts. Finding out I was pregnant was kind of overwhelming for me.. of course I was only 19 so I was still very young and I think back then I hadn’t really thought it all through – “what to expect when you’re expecting” but what I got was way different to what I had imagined. My personal 9 month journey started off with constant morning sickness which everybody had failed to inform me did NOT only happen in the morning, but first thing in the morning, after breakfast, in the afternoon, twice during dinner and also at night! *eye roll* I think it’s safe to say I was hit hard with that one. I also had trouble with my every day expanding body, I think as a woman you pay so much attention to your body and it’s shape so transforming it into a house for your new little addition can be quite the process. I think that it’s also okay to feel quite sad about it too- changing is hard, not to mention everything you once loved to wear now looks half the size and you cannot fit into anything in your wardrobe. Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing and it is a miracle to be able to grow a human life inside your body but I think there’s a lot of pressure on a woman to enjoy this process and to just embrace it but that isn’t always how every woman feels. It can be quite hard to adjust to the fact that your body is no longer your own and that everything you do is now for the little life inside of you. A lot of people would say to me ” oh you are so tiny” which was then often followed by something about me needing to eat more or used as a term to indicate that I was ridiculous for feeling like an elephant. Either way girls when you are pregnant expect for everybody to be very involved with their opinions on your pregnancy.

However unpleasant it was having coconuts instead of boobs, pretty much constant back ache, ankles the size of mini tree trunks, emotional breakdowns over the lack of gherkin in your cheeseburger, an overactive imagination, the skin of a greasy teenage boy, anxiety about EVERYTHING and peeing just a tiny bit every time you laugh. I’d do it again! Because the love that you have for your child is like no other love you will ever have felt in your life. (That includes your first boyfriend too)

So no pregnancy is not cute it’s actually very stressful at times and exhausting but it is a gift from god and the outcome is so worth it in the end. Annnddd if you must celebrate something other than the life you have created.. celebrate that whilst you are still pregnant you can sleep as much as you want because once that angel comes out you’ll never sleep again!

You’re not falling behind.. it’s just not your time

Most people have a plan on what they envision for their lives. Some people plan more ahead than others do and some people have no plans whatsoever.. both of these are fine. I used to be a person who wanted to plan out every detail of her life down to how many kids I wanted to have, what age I wanted to have them and how far apart their ages would be. I even had my whole wedding down to a T as well as the little house I planned to have with my husband, our kids and our French bulldog. Sometimes I still have those plans and other days I feel like I’m bolting full steam ahead with absolutely no direction. What I’m saying here is it’s okay to have these plans for yourself AND it’s okay to not have any plan at all. What’s easy is seeing other people’s lives- be it friends, family or even the people you follow on social media. It’s easy to see the lives of other people and get caught up in believing that you aren’t where you should be but I’ll tell you darling. You definitely are!

This is one of the most talked about topics among me and my friends and the conclusion we’ve all come to is that sometimes the influence of social media can create these insecurities within you. It’s so easy to have a look at someone who has what you dream of having and think “why do I not have this? Why not me?” But I think we all forget that what’s shown to you from other people’s lives isn’t always the full picture and we don’t often get to see the sacrifice and hard work taken to make their it their reality, and whilst it’s okay to look up to others and admire the life they have or aspire to have the same things we should be careful not to put too much stress on ourselves to be there just yet. There can also be a lot of pressure put on your age and your achievements as I’ve said in a previous post it’s not a race we all go at different paces and what’s right for someone else may not be right for you. I for one did not plan to become a parent at the age of 20 and that definitely threw me off but I adapted to my circumstances and my plans changed- the point being there that becoming a parent wasn’t part of my plan but I had to then change my plan to suit my lifestyle. Things change!

I have a little saying

“What’s for me will always be for me. My blessings are my own and no matter how long it takes to get there I shall reach my destination. Everything for a reason”

And I stick by this because I truly believe that’s what’s for you will always be for you. No matter how easy it is to fall into a pattern of self critic I think it’s always important to remember that you are doing your best and that although it may not seem like your life is heading in the direction you wanted it to go or at the pace that you had planned- that you are not falling behind.. it’s just simply not your time yet.

Anxiety diaries 2.0 

Wow it’s been a long time since I sat and wrote a post but I’m finally feeling as if I can do it again and I’m so happy about that. Recently I had a little rant on twitter after watching a Snapchat by Jaclyn Hill about how she had suffered really badly from depression for the first two years of starting her YouTube channel and I completely related. Having suffered so deeply from anxiety, depression and panic attacks myself I know just what it feels like to be “drowning” and if you know me you’ll know just how close to home this all is. This whole subject honestly splits me in two because half of me is happy that I am alive and able to sit here and freely write my opinions on this subject and amazed that finally people are starting to recognise that this stuff happens to ANYONE. Then the other half of me is still so sceptical on it because sometimes I feel like no matter how many people step forward and bring awareness there will always be someone who feels like anxiety & depression isn’t a real thing or that it is an excuse. Blah blah blah 

When a person is going through the motions you wouldn’t even be able to tell, honestly. As Jaclyn mentioned she managed to run a YouTube channel and gain a following of people who adored her, even looked up to her who were so unaware that the girl behind that camera was fighting herself to be there. And I solidly related because it took the people around me so long to recognise my  A&D, not because they weren’t paying attention but because I’d become so good at hiding it. What helped me was finding my centre.. and I tell so many of my friends that when they are suffering finding your centre can help them just the way that it helped me. What I mean by this is sitting down with yourself and having a chat- now this already sounds half crazy but trust me it works. If you sit and train your mind understand yourself and what you are feeling it is so much easier to manage the negativity that is going on inside you. You gotta really know who you are as a person and I had weeks, even months where I had shut myself off inside the prison in my head believing I was worthless and letting that disease eat away at whatever goodness I had left. Until I realised that everyone has a purpose in life- regardless of wether or not you have found it yet I strongly believe that what is for you will not pass you so just keep on following the path your life already has set out and you’ll find it somewhere along the way. Set yourself goals and no matter how unrealistic they may seem at the time you focus on those goals and you smash the hell out of them. You’ll surprise yourself at just what you can do when you put your mind to it. I am in no way a motivational speaker but don’t get me wrong I have suffered and I know from my experience just how I managed to train my brain happy.  Life can be cruel at times.. if you let it! And it’s so easy to get crushed by whatever life throws at you, you’ve just got to prepare yourself so that when things get heavy you know inside that you are a superhero and you’ll get through it all.

Listen to yourself, Treat yourself right! 

Take each day as it comes and build yourself up- invest in yourself. You are the most important thing in the world xx

Attachment or love?

Sitting and daydreaming about love as usual. Typical me hopeless romantic, but was the romantic becoming a bit cynical? I wondered for a second about love. There’s so many different types but the one I’m thinking of here is the love between two souls and how maybe it wasn’t all roses and sunshine..could the most powerful thing in the world be destructive? Well the answer here is yes.
Society says that by your 40s you must be married with a mortgage and kids and it seems that we have (mostly speaking for my female audience here) been conditioned into believing that your 20s is the prime opportunity to find your husband. While that is all very well and many of us do infact meet our life partners somewhere around this time period, it isn’t a race. Too many of us now days are so in search of “love” that we mistake other connections for this magical 4 lettered word. Creating attachments to others and holding onto those attachments in hope that they will infact become the real thing is a mistake we all make but needless to say none of us are perfect. Forever running from the devastation of heartbreak we forget it is one of life’s most valuable lessons although painful it is an avenue for vital growth as a person within the way you view things. As well as experience and knowledge we mature off of our feelings and abilities to broaden our perspectives. It’s infact a gift!!  We run mainly for the fear of loneliness and rejection and because severing that attachment leaves you having to reevaluate your needs and requirements and so many of us don’t want to do that. Change isn’t something we are equipped to deal with. It also comes down to the fact that everywhere you look somebody is pointing out “relationship goals” or there is some power couple encouraging us all to believe you have to be a couple in order to succeed. Well its because everyone now days has a “bae” and a “back up bae” just because they cannot bare the thought of being alone so they are willing to continue holding onto these attachments and devalue themselves because if they aren’t part of “something” then they are nothing. It is a dangerous blur of the line between finding the real thing and creating what seems to be it for the moment.
Within the modern society in which we live in everybody is very into titles and not much into value, now this is my personal opinion as I am no love expert. However I stand by what I say. I too believed very much in titles until I was taught to understand the value of a situation before evaluating it’s worth based on the mere word “boyfriend”. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes as do we and having two people create a bond and understanding is somewhat of a miracle. 
Coming from a very opinionated time I Mrs. Love believer ask simply – How well does anyone really know anyone?
The only feelings we can honestly speak on are our own. I feel as if it may be time for us to stop worrying so much about what everyone else deems “correct” for relationships as a whole and remember what works for someone else may not work for you. I’ve seen many relationships still in full bloom end because their flower isn’t as beautiful as somebody else’s .. give it a little time a little light and a little faith and too your flower shall flourish to be just as beautiful as the next.
However I have also seen many people hold on to attachments they have formed which effect them negatively and as well as the good there are the bad. Sometimes you just have to let go.
As I sip my coffee pondering love and all its glory I wonder if we will ever be able to discover the difference between love and attachment?…

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Until next time
J.Neubronnerx 

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply” – Empathy

Well hello there! How is your new year going so far? As we are now well into January I think it’s about time I do my first blog post of the year. This one is a little different and isn’t anything relating to beauty or health.. I’m taking it a little back here. I once did a post on anxiety and depression and I wanna go back to something relatively similar. Have you ever felt emotions strongly that weren’t your own? Sounds a little strange huh.. I’m talking about Empathy. Whilst empathy is a complete human emotion it can sometimes be mistaken for compassion and in fact it’s similar but not the same. My whole life growing up I’ve always been “sensitive” which is what I’ve been called many times and I’ve actually agreed that this is what I am, probably a little too sensitive. I’ve always felt as if I could literally feel the pain of others. Some more strong such as if it is someone I care deeply for but really in a generalised way. If a friend of mine is going through a period of time where they seem to be down or lost I can share their energy  and it often mirrors onto my own. How draining does this sound? Believe me it can be. I’ve never really understood the reason why I’ve always been so susceptible to other people’s feelings but there’s been many a time when I’ve wished I could turn it off. You see your own energy is precious and very important to your well being so allowing somebody else’s energy to be felt by you isn’t always a good thing. It’s made me say yes in situations where I’d rather decline just because I feel deeply inclined to do so.
Well as growing up and seeing that other people too feel the same sort of thing I do I started to wonder what it was called. Empathy.
Being an Empath is actually a thing.. A gift if you are aware of it correctly and can actually be used in a good way.
Empaths have the gift of emotional sharing and can feel the feelings and emotions of others just as deeply as they feel their own. This doesn’t just stop at real life situations, Empaths are affected by many emotional outlets including music, TV and literature. Sometimes the things in which they hear or see can cause them deep emotional suffering such as violence or heartbreak as the empath recognises and takes on these emotions quite literally. Sometimes even reducing them to tears due to the physical effects of the emotional sharing.

“I feel your pain” – Well yes quite literally so

When it comes to people who an empath cares for deeply the emotional sharing can become quite overbearing and often they are so connected to this person they have the ability to read the other person’s emotions even before the other person may have acknowledged them for themselves.

Being in a crowded place full of people can be quite draining for an empath and often they will crave quiet time where they can focus on their own energy. It is necessary for them to do so in order for them to feel less drained and happy within themselves.
Music has a direct effect and often the lyrics to a song play havoc with the emotions an empath feels especially if those lyrics relate to a recent emotional incident
Empaths often find it hard to forget certain traumatic emotional periods of time and it can play on their minds for years.

Sooo I’ve now described to you my everyday life in one blogpost. I wonder if any of you who may read this will relate to this! Being over sensitive isn’t a bad thing. Empathy is a super power! You’ll have random strangers finding it easy to share their entire life stories with you in 5 minutes and although it can be draining to share their negative energy you can also help them by understanding the way that they feel which will allow you to know first hand their needs. And remember not all energy is negative. Sharing somebody’s positive energy is amazing too.

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I hope you like today’s post ♡
Until next time
J.Neubronnerx 💋💋